Tiberius (Fritz)

[ahrimen]

Fritz is a college liberal hippie and so has the same stats as a high elf mage (lv 2)

Weapons and armor:
• light armor
• conga mace
• the annoyingly loud shield,
• and wears "the best helm Dan ever made"

THE CONGAMACE
the conga mace is a terrifying weapon. no one knows how Fritz got it, only that Ahrimen has trained many fighters but the ones who have survived seem to fight with maces! hmmmmmm?
After any blow with the conga mace hits roll a d6 on a 1 the mace has giving Fritz tennis elbow and loses 1 pt of strength for the rest of the combat. 2-5 has no effect, a 6 and Fritz and the conga mace have hit someone in the junk with that stupid little uppercut shot he does with it and it does d3 wounds automatically with no save.

THE ANNOYINGLY LOUD SHIELD
The gong strapped to Fritz's arm is the loudest damn thing anyone can hear for miles around and confuses the enemy each time Fritz blocks.
For each armor save Fritz makes in close combat then the enemy in base contact must make a ld test or lose a point of ws. consequently any unit fritz is in will suffer a -1 ld for the rest of the battle after his 1st save as they can’t hear a goddamn thing.

THE BEST HELM DAN EVER MADE
this really is the best helm Dan ever made and it give Fritz a 4+ ward save, this helm was made so well often Fritz feels no need to buckle his chinstrap. if a 1 is rolled for the ward save Fritz didn’t buckle his chinstrap and is KNOCKED THE F#%@ OUT! At the beginning of each movement phase roll d6 1-2 still in sleepy bye land, 3-5 he wakes up, on a 6 he’s in the emergency room with a sprained neck!

CRAZY HIENA CHEETA THINGY
Fritz is 1/2 hiena 1/2 cheeta and 1/2 hermaphrodite (for you jeff) this is because slannesh and tzeentch had an argument about who owned him and zaped him with mutations back and forth till they were both happy, now anytime someone runs from Fritz it will trigger the mutation (as his ears pop up and his eyes bug out) and cause Fritz to scurry off in maniacle laughter at lightning speed!
if an enemey flees from Fritz he will persue at 3d6 leaving any unit he is with to do so. in addition if Hagar is in the army then anyone over run by Frits will be immediately ductaped to a tree. (in a campagin this will cause a permant loss of 1 pt of ld for SHAME!)

THUMB HEAD OF DOOM
no one knows how Fritz got a thumb for a head, mebe it was cause he uses too much hair jell, mebe cause Tiberius is to long of a name to keep typing, mebe he's just the big THUMBS UP! of tzeentch, but whatever the reason do not challenge him to thumb wrestle!
if Fritz is involve in a challenge no blows will be struck, instead they will thumb wrestle! (very unfair as Fritz gets to use his whole head) each side rolles a d6 but Fritz may add his strenth to the total. the winning side may add the difference to their combat resolution.




CHAOS MARKS:
Fritz has a mark of Tzeentch (and is a lv 2 wizard) but refuses to except it, for Tzeentch and Fritz are always at odds (tzeentch has actually tricked Fritz into thinking he is doing good). Fritz may use spells from "Liberal Douche bag magic" however so insidious is Tzeentch that these spells may actually horribly backfire.

Special rule: instead of the normal miscast rules the "Liberal Douche bag magic" has unintended consequences for each spell that will happen ANYTIME the spell is not successfully cast not just on double 1's. Also all of these spells may be cast on any unit friend or enemy. But fritz must always use at least 2 dice to cast any spell.

LIBERAL DOUCH BAG MAGIC
1) Socialized health care, cast on 7+ "What’s that itchy patch? No worries we're all covered, and its free!
Target any unit within 12". The unit regains up to D6 wound worth of models.

Unintended consequences: long lines and lack of funding causes a collapse of the system. The unit may have to wait up to 6 weeks for an X-ray, the whole unit loses 1 pt of toughness permanently.

2) Unionized, cast on 7+ "It’s not fair we's getting 3 pts a fight when them pointy ears is getting 12. We is forming a uiniononon! err whatever!" Target unit must be in close combat and Fritz within 12" of the unit. The unit is now worth the same point value as the enemy they are fighting and will be for the rest of the game.

Unintended consequences: the unit is still worth its new point value, but all units on the table take d6 casualties for strikes and layoffs every turn till the end of the game.

3) Going green, cast on 7+ "magic is destroying our environment. I propose we tax wizards for using too many spells" Cast on a wizard (Orcs are immune) he may not cast spells in the next magic phase as he is trying to figure out how much he owes the IRS. (Orcs can’t count anyway)

Unintended consequences: the wizard actually goes GREEN and becomes a savage orc shaman lord for the rest of the game. All normal (if that’s what you want to call'em) rules for savage orc shaman lords apply.

4) Anti war protesters, cast on 7+ remains in play “no blood for ore!" “No one died when Karl Franz lied!"
Cast on any unit, the target is bogged down by sign waving lunes and moves as if in difficult terrain.

Unintended consequences: the target unit gets the point….the point that the enemy is a bunch of pussies. They Quickly slaughter the protesters and will hate any enemy unit for the remainder of the game.

5) Class warfare; cast on 7+ "These lords and heroes make so much! What about the common elf?"
Cast on a unit with a character in it. The character will be forced to buy new equipment for the unit he is in until they are all armed like him. But you know they are not going to take care of it. So the unit reverts to normal in the next round.

Unintended consequences: the character cannot afford to buy everyone magic swords and quickly goes bankrupt. All his weapons, magic items, and armor disappear and he has only a hand weapon.

6) UN resolution, cast on 12+ "They have attacked our allies, destroyed our villages, and killed innocent children! Let’s file some paper work!" All blows in the next Hand to Hand phase automatically miss, combat resolution still stands but no one may pursue a broken enemy, even if frenzied.

Unintended consequences: UN peace keepers arrive to stop the violence, .......so a total jihad, ethnic cleansing, weapons of mass destruction, blood bath breaks out, all units are subject to hatred, frenzy, and stubborn, one unit will be designated as the UN peace keepers and so also subject to stupidity (and their helmets have to be repainted blue)

[Fritz]

Wow I suck

[ahrimen]

its all because you dont except your mark of Tzeentch, learn to live with it and Tzeentch will reward you. :D

oh! and if you decide to become a college professor i'll bump you up to a mage lord lv3 if you become a politican lv4

[Fritz]

You made me a mage...and Tzeentch at that...I hate you in so many ways right now =P

[MorGrendel]

Funny but incorrect.

Tiberius is Slaneech
1. Glutton for punishment, he loves the pain.
2. Owns Sex Books.
3. Slaanesh typically appears in an androgynous form, and clearly Fritz is the most androgynous of us. He can start a party as a sharp dressed man with a mustache, and end the party as something else.
4. The Slaanesh sacred number is 6, which is the number of event Fritz misses every year due to being broken.
5. Slaanesh is the mirror image of the Eldar, and Fritz is the most Elf looking.
6. Sonic Weaponry, see above. He carries a gong and gong hammer!
7. Keeper of Secrets, we didn't even meet Steph until like two weeks ago.
8. Girlfriend has a bad ass scar and is super hot . . . Clearly also Slaanesh.
9. The Slaanesh symbol is a combination of symbols, as is Fritz's symbol.
10. Neutral attitude towards the other gods (why he has not shot Dan yet is beyond me. Oh Wait, he was Ahrimen's Pledge, no wait, that makes sense, see the first note . . . He's a glutton for punishment.)

Nothing but love, Tiberius.

[Fritz]

Damn it, i have to concede to Mor-Grendel's....wait no! Stop using that damned confusion magic on me! Wizard my ass...

Anyways, you sir are flat out incorrect with regards to my attitude toward the Chaos Gods. I have a pathological hatred of all of them and especially toward the two you have thus far mentioned. Khorne I hate slightly less (after all he's Sigmar taken to the level of insanity) and Nurgle I only hate because he's Chaos. After all it's papa Nurgle, how can you totally hate this guy? He's got nothing but love for his followers and likes to grow life as well as decay things. That said he's still Chaos spawn and as such must be purified. Tzeentch and Slaanesh first though...

[ahrimen]

clearly he has slannesh atibutes! i will not argue that, i will however point to the fact that he compleatly denies chaos as an obvious deception that leads right to tzeentch. and who knows mebe all his slanneshi stuff is all just to deceive you all futher? :?

its a twisted web of deceit!

[Fritz]

Hold still so I can burn you at the stake. Damned witches.

[ahrimen]

i did forget a chaos mutation he has:

CRAZY HIENA CHEETA THINGY
Fritz is 1/2 hiena 1/2 cheeta and 1/2 hermaphrodite (for you jeff) this is because slannesh and tzeentch had an argument about who owned him and zaped him with mutations back and forth till they were both happy, now anytime some on runs from Fritz it will trigger the mutation (as his ears pop up and his eyes bug out) and cause Fritz to scurry off in maniacle laughter at lightning speed!
if an enemey flees from Fritz he will persue at 3d6 leaving any unit he is with to do so. in addition if Hagar is in the army then anyone over run by Frits will be immediately ductaped to a tree. (in a campagin this will cause a permant loss of 1 pt of ld for SHAME!)

[MorGrendel]

Dammit Dan, not everyone is either a Evil Chaos Worshipper or an Good two-Shoes Tree Elf Douch. There are more than two parties, he could be a Lazy Liberal War Priest of Sigmar or a High Elf nancypants.

There is no evil plan here, I WOULD KNOW, unless he is trying to be elected Warlord by reverse psycology.

[ahrimen]

Hold still so I can burn you at the stake. Damned witches.

see, burn! fire=tzeentch! he wants to burn us!

i forgot about another Chaos mutation! (i wrote all this stuff down on my luch break at work and forgot to bring the pad home)

THUMB HEAD OF DOOM
no one knows how Fritz got a thumb for a head, mebe it was cause he uses too much hair jell, mebe cause Tiberius is to long of a name to keep typing, mebe he's just the big THUMBS UP! of tzeentch, but whatever the reason do not challenge him to thumb wrestle!
if Fritz is involve in a challenge no blows will be struck, instead they will thumb wrestle! (verry unfair as Fritz gets to use his whole head) each side rolles a d6 but Fritz may add his strenth to the total. the winning side may add the difference to their combat resolution.

[MorGrendel]

Tiberius the Liberal Warrior Priest of Doom
M WS BS S T W I A Ld
4 5 3 3 3 2 5 3 8

Grand Helmet of Hammer Awareness ("The clean helmet with the sideways crest, is he your leader" helm)
Crowing achievement of Ahrimen's blacksmithing: +1 Armor save. (+2 if he can prove he has buckled his chin strap. If Fritz is killed by an opponent roll a d6, on a 4,5, or 6 he is just knocked unconscious. He gets up in d6 turns, with one wound and a severly sprained neck.

Chewable Mace of the Kong
"Boagrius, get the crate!"
+ 1 Strength, Armor piercing
For each hit, Tiberius tLWPoD recieve one additional attack. If he gets twice as many hits as original attacks (3) he suffers a wound from tennis elbow. This wound can not be saved.

Splintered Leather Arms of Attachiness
These vambraces are really Fritzbraces, and keep Tiberius's arms on. He is like a G.I. Joe where the rubber band is all old and streched out. His arms can bend in any direction but straight .
Light armor, 5+ ward

Truthiness
No one can argue the power of Tiberius's Truthiness
+ 1 Power and Dispel die

Chi-Rho of Secularism
All Galatians suffer a -1 Ld when within 6" of Tiberius. (Who let this pretty boy in?!) Also Tiberius may not join savages . . . I mean skirmishers.

Prim & Proper
Causes Fear
Tiberius must accept challenges as he is the cleanest and most SCAdianized of savages... I mean Galatian Skirmishers making him special.

5 dollar, 5 dollar foot longs...
Fritz, I mean Tiberius hates that song. Tiberius will focus his attacks against the unit's musician (and anyone else who gets close to that instrument) if there is no one to challenge. If a unit flees from Tiberius he destroys the instrument entirely. He will also not charge units of only 5 (dollar) foot troops or cold (cut) ones.

[Titus]

I like your version Jeff, you just got to remember, WPs do not generate power dice, they generate a dispel dice and cast bound spells (prayers), so he could have the same rules as warrior priest with an extra bound spell and dispel dice. And one day we will learn to put enough spaces in to make the numbers go under the right stat.

[MorGrendel]

Can't board removes extra spaces.

[ahrimen]

if you wana make a warrior priest fine but no denying that that boy is some kind of elf with a thumb for a head (chaos mutation) who is scared of nekked women (not slannesh)(remember my bachlor party)

ahhaaaaaaaa! see he must be tzeentch hes got you to "CHANGE" his character to somthing clearly less offensive and jeff you thought you were the tzeentch lord :x :?

wait! i got it! its a tzeencth conspiracy!

you are very clever, but though i may be undevided i have a tzeentch mark too!

jeff is attempting to win favor over fritz to manipulate his puppet and make him warlord 8) HA! bad press about him being a thumb headed elf will no doubt lose him favor in an election. (no self respecting galatian can follow an elf into battle, is why Ahmed never ran for warlord) this may be a good plan, carry on.