Wonderboy, the Next Great Warlord of Galatia . . . In Theory

[MorGrendel]

Merry Christmas

I felt bad Fritz that yuor character was not as good as Mongo's so this should balance that up. If I forgot any Hexes, feel free to post them.

Finally, I'm sorry.

[MorGrendel]

Wonderboy, the Next Great Warlord of Galatia . . . In Theory

In addition to...
All the below rules may be added to any Fritz choice.

Next Warlord
With a truly Galatian methodology, full of spite and malice, Wonderboy hexed his fellow Galatians. He then professed his Warlord Prophesy. His most evil plan set in motion, Galatians began being smoted one after another, until only Wonderboy remained.

If Wonderboy lives, and all other Galatians die, Wonderboy wins. Period

Still Largely Unknown Despite Superpowers
Yes, this is probably the shittiest of superpowers. However, it sure is nice to be able to duck the responsibility of being a Warlord. You don't get those crackhead e-mails, you can ignore the drama of people peeing on things, and freaky people with no teeth feel no desire to talk to you. The only down side is that the Angle-bobs still call you names like "Shell-shock" and "Poop-face", but who cares what those guys think anyway.

You may deploy Wonderboy as a scout without the limitation of distance; as far as the enemy knows, he's one of them.

Does Not Drink
I was wrong; this is a way shittier superpower. Wonderboy does not drink (he also can not grow facial hair, so he doesn’t need to shave in the morning. I don’t know if that has any effect on anything, just putting it out there), this allows him to arrive to the fight WAY before everyone else. Before the battle roll a d6:
1. "Ah crap, heart burn." Wonderboy arrived so early, that he beat everyone else there ** even the hosts **. So Wonderboy rolled out and picked up a Wawa breakfast croissant, but upon returning he now finds that it has given him heartburn. Wonderboy can not march, as it hurts his chest. He will, however, charge as normal.
2. "Come on, really." Wonderboy arrived so early, that the only person on site is that dancer guy with bad BO and no teeth. Wonderboy will avoid speaking to this lesser, and will decide instead to take a "walk and enjoy the scenery." Wonderboy must be deployed in a terrain piece that provides cover (i.e. woods)
3. "All stretched out." Wonderboy is the only Galatian known to stretch before battle, as (let's be honest) stretching is gay. Kinda like those European dance moves Berzerker does before a battle. No that is not stretching, Berzerker is not gay, just smell his goatee! At the end of either sides movement phase, Wonderboy may move an additional 4 inches. . . there is no joke there . . . stop laughing. . .
4. "Too stretched out." D'oh, Wonderboy overstretched (kinda like these jokes), and now he’s hurt. Wonderboy gets a +1 to all roles where he must determine if he is injured via special rules.
5. “All set and ready to go.” Weapons padded, girlfriend called, cup in place . . . All Check. Wonderboy may elect to go first.
6. “Authorized in all weapons format.” Fritz helped the MOL set up, then he worked the troll both, and now, what do you know, he is authorized in all weapon forms. Interesting. Wonderboy is assumed to be carrying all forms of non-magical weapons.

Hexes (use on other characters on Wonderboy's side)
Loki must not be Horney:
If any version of Loki is taken roll a d6 to see the effect of not being horny:
1. Suicidal: Loki moves every turn (even the opponents) towards the closest enemy. He gains +2 Strength, but always strikes last. He does not need to see them, as he can smell pussies. He always counts as charging.
2-3. Sad: Loki can not join units or be within 6" of another friendly character, as he doesn't want to be around people; also seeing Loki cry is as hard to watch as old people fucking.
4-5. Upset: Loki can not join unitsor be within 6" of another friendly character. Loki's shield counts as an additional hand weapon. If Loki breaks, he gives up and leaves the field.
6 Frenzied: Loki gains Frenzy. Also Haterd towards all female models.

Mor Grendel must be struck by lightning three times:
If Mor Grendel is not in base to base with any other models he is struck by lightning. Being Tzeenech, lightning does not hurt him, but after being struck three times, Mor Grendel will leave the field due to lack of facial hair as it has been singed off. (Mor Grendel does not fight well without facial hair)
Any unit in base to base contact with Mor Grendel suffers a Forked Lightning attack every magic phase as Mor Grendel is cowering in the unit (Also, he's short so he is fine). If the unit has a 4+ armor save then they suffer a Thunder Bolt attack.

Ahrimen must not be broken:
Ahrimen fights like he does at the last fight of every year, (you know, the one where his body suddenly realizes that this is the last fight for a while and the only abuse it will recieve for the next few month is going to come from Tharius) and has a 2+ ward to any new injuries. However, this makes Ahrimen a Wonderboy worshipper. Ahrimen must remain 6" from Wonderboy at all times. If Wonderboy is in combat, Ahrimen must leave any combat he is in to watch Wonderboy fight. While Wonderboy lives Ahrimen has a Ld of 12.
If Wonderboy breaks, or fails any sort of leadership test, Ahrimen will snap out of it and remember who he is; then he will immediately leave the field, to destroy the 10 foot statue of jade he made of Wonderboy.

Ahmed will show up:
If you take Wonderboy, you must also take an Ahmed character.
All Galatians (except Wonderboy, or a Suicidal Loki) may not move the first turn as they are standing around talking to him.

Nugget has to stop touching Morg's sister:
You may not take a Nugget charecter, as he is dead. Oddly, after the battle, his corpse is found inside a broken jade statue . . . Wierd. Ahrimen will have no relection of this, and Mor Grendel will be nowhere to be found. Morg's sister will be indifferent, as Nugget has already served his purpose.

Byrnhild must stop talking:
You may not take a Byrnhild character. No one knows quite what happened to her, except that she was never heard from again. Sometimes, if your really quiet around the campfire on a dark and spooky night, you almost believe the crickets are chirping, "Porn-Acher, Porn-Acher." It is said that the next morning Galatian's are known to find random panties in with their gear.

Berzerker will speak perfect King's English
What do you fucking know, those were actually words! Turns out the god's can now understand him, and those murmurings were actually spells and other incantations. He wasn't saying "Smell my goatee", he was saying "Healing Energy"; and that wasn't "I'm going to Canada to see my sister ", but "Distillation of Molten Silver."
Berzerker counts as a level four wizard that can draw spells from any lore.

[Berserker]

Hahahaha, this is hilarious!!

[Fritz]

Not the exact prophecy, but good God was that funny.